April 6, 2015 was a beautiful day in Oklahoma. The temperature was in the mid 70’s, the wind was not gusting and it often does. Working as a customer service rep I had weird days off so even though it was Monday it was my Thursday. I was eager for it to be 4:30 because I had agreed to watch my granddaughter Ruby so that my Son Jason and Daughter in law Shannon could go out. They both worked for KFC so they had weird hours and days off. Their schedule was different every week so they seldom got a day off together. Jason had told me they would drop Ruby off at 7 that night. When I got in my car I immediately called Jason and told him to get Ruby ready I was going to kidnap her.
Jason is a character and we usually bickered when we talked to each other. It was just our way and all of it was filled with love. Jason reminded me they were dropping her off. I told him I didn’t care, I want my girl now. I want to fix her dinner and play with her. He reminded me they were spending time with her. I reminded him they had her all day it was my turn. I heard Ruby screaming that scream that meant I heard Grammy’s ringtone! He gave her the phone and gibbered at me for a few seconds and hung up. Jason called me right back, gave her the phone again gibberish and a hang up. The 4th time as I answered I was yelling, “don’t give her the phone I am getting on the interstate and can’t answer it.” Jason asked if I had on the earbuds he gave me. I told him of course, he made me promise not to talk on the phone while driving unless I did. He said “Mom, the speaker box on the cord, squeeze it and it will answer the phone. I told him I didn’t believe him so I squeezed it. I hung up on Jason. He called me back and I squeezed it and it answered the phone. I was so excited and told him so. He laughed and said “Mom you’re a moron. You work for a cell phone company and you didn’t know this?” We argued back and forth about this for the next 10 minutes. I announced to him, Jason I am at Reno and Council is my girl ready? He had a smart remark and we argued some more about the fact I wasn’t getting out of my car. I was tired, they lived upstairs, and I am old. All the excuses gave him more ammo as I announced each intersection I came to. Finally I parked outside their apartment. He was on the balcony and I waved to him. I told him I loved him as we hung up. Shannon brought Ruby to my car and we talked very briefly as she buckled Ruby in. She was moving slow and I asked her why. She told me her back hurt. I asked “are you still going out?” She said, “Mom, it is Fast and Furious 7 what do you think?” I laughed told her to have fun and drove off with Ruby snug in her car seat. She chattered all the way along the mile drive to our apartment. I laughed and chatted with her the whole way.
At my apartment Ruby almost ran to my apartment. She knew the way to my door with no help. She was eager to see the dogs and her Gram’pa. When I opened the door the dogs scrambled to make sure their tails were not in her reach while still barking and dancing their hello to her. She screamed with delight as she ran down the hall towards Gram’pa room where her computer was. She always had to make sure all her videos were still safely waiting for her. I remember Cliff, as this was a surprise to him, screaming Damn, I don’t have her computer turned on! While he entertained Ruby I changed clothes and gave Molly and Neville their treats. I checked the kitchen and told Cliff I had everything to make her favorite dinner except ham. He gladly volunteered to go get the ham. Neither of us spoiled her. When he left Ruby immediately began to test me. I had a candy dish she would not leave alone. I refused to put it up high, I always believed a baby should learn limits. She left everything else alone, but this one dish was a game to her. I wound up putting her in the time out corner. She was fine whimpered now and then to let me know she wasn’t happy with me but no crying. UNTIL, the door opened and Gram’pa came in. Then she began to “cry” and scream as though I had just beat her with a belt! Oh if that drama queen could muster tears with that fake cry I would not survive! And Gram’pa was no help. Did that mean ole Grammy put you in the corner again!
Gram’pa had Ruby time while I cooked her favorite dinner. Ham Steak, Mac and Cheese, and Green Beans. After dinner Gram’pa cleaned the computer and I played with Ruby. I remember vividly holding her as we danced to the Gummy Bear song. I remember telling Ruby the song needed to be shorter because she was getting heavy. At 9:00 I went to bed because I had to get up at 4:30.
Bedtime was fun time. I would get in bed and Ruby would crawl in to cuddle. I told her Grammy has to sleep now to you want to go to sleep too? She would quickly kiss me and jump off the bed. As she left the room she would pull the door almost shut and run to Gram’pa. In a few minutes I would hear tapping on the door. I would say “yes Ruby” and the door would fly open and she would come give me more cuddles and kisses then repeat the process. It would go on until I no longer responded to the tapping. She would then go and throw her arms around pointing at my door as she chattered to her Gram’pa. Her way of telling him Grammy is asleep and you need to shut her door. He knew this because if he doesn’t shut my door, she would throw a fit.
At 4:30 my alarm went off. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. As I fixed myself a cup of coffee Cliff came in. I asked him what time did the kids get Ruby. “Between 10:30, 10:45.” Did they have fun? “Yes they did. They were giggling like little school girls.” How was Ruby? “She was okay but her acid re-flux was acting up. No medicine in the bag but Shannon said they were out. They were going by Walmart from here and would get some.” We both laughed, yeah, they think Walmart is Disneyland. When do they not go there? I asked one last question, “Do we have Ruby tonight?” Cliff said he didn’t think so. I told him, I think I will call the kids later and kidnap her so she can spend the night. Cliff agreed and said just in case her computer would be on.
I went to my room, fired up the computer, turned the TV to 9 so I could hear the weather. I sat down to smoke a cigarette, drink some coffee and scan Facebook. I am in such a good mood. It’s the worlds Tuesday, but it is Friday to me and at 4:30 I am free for two whole days, the weather is great and I will have my Ruby! I know we are going to the park and for walks. At 5:15 I head to my closet and stand staring at my clothes as though something will jump off the hanger and yell me, take me! As I stood there I can hear the news.
For the second night in a row there was a fatality crash in the metro area due to an alleged drunk driver. I thought how sad. This one happened at the intersection of Reno and Rockwell approximately 11:20 pm. My heart skipped a beat, my mind raced, would that be about the time the kids would be in that intersection? I knew they would be, they went to Walmart. A female approximately 30 years old died instantly. There are a million women in Oklahoma City, stay calm. A male approximately 30 years old died in route to the hospital. They always come in pairs, stay calm an approximately 2 year old baby is in critical condition undergoing surgery at Children Hospital. I remember taking a deep breath and turning to see the TV. I don’t remember what they were saying, I only remember seeing just the back end of yellow Chevy Cobalt sticking out of that ditch. I know that ditch, it’s about 8 or 9 feet deep. I know that intersection. I drive through it daily. But worst of all, I know that car! I see it every day. It needs to be cleaned out. A pink car seat is behind the passenger door. The air conditioner doesn’t work. I know that car.
I grabbed my phone and I called Jason’s phone. No answer. I call Shannon’s phone. No answer. After 5 tries each I left a message for Jason. I will never forget that message. “Damn it to hell Jason Robert I am scared to death right now! As soon as you get this message you better call me!” I called the house phone. It doesn’t have voice mail. No answering machine. I let it ring at least 50 times. They didn’t wake up. I know for a fact Jason won’t be calling me back. He will never call me again. I somehow made my way to the living room. I needed to tell Cliff our kids are dead and Ruby needs us. I hang onto the back of the love seat for dear life as I start to tell him. He heard the news but didn’t see it. He was in the kitchen making my lunch. I opened my mouth to calmly speak but what came out was a shaky scream, “Our babies Cliff, our babies!” He came out of the kitchen and stared at me like I was crazy. He told me to stop it, “you know you’re a pessimist. It isn’t our kids.” Again I try to calmly explain. Again a scream, but this time. “The car the car the car.” Cliff told me he was going to their apartment and when he found their car safe and secure in the parking lot he was going to come home and tell me what an idiot I am. In my family you don’t call each other an idiot. Today I just looked at him and said, “Please call me an idiot. I told him wait I will go with you. He told me no, you stay here and get dressed, you’re going to work!
When Cliff left I got dressed. I picked up the clothes I had worn the day before from the laundry hamper. The shirt had coffee on it where I had spilled the day before. I didn’t care. I called the Oklahoma City police non-emergency number. I had done this before. You ask about a crash you think a family member might be involved in and they say, “I am sorry, we can’t give out information.” That would prove my kids are alive. When a sweet girl answered I asked, the crash last night, the one at Reno and Rockwell, was the drivers name Jason? I held my breath and prayed. The sweet voice said, “Ma’am can we send an officer to your home?” I screamed again, this time it was “NO NO YOU CAN’T I am home alone, no you can’t come here, I need my husband. NO” My babies are dead. My babies are dead and my husband is gone.
Cliff finally calls me. He said you need to call children hospital. I said you need to come home, you need to come home now. He told me he was at Reno and Rockwell. The news crew there are showing him the raw footage. Cliff come home now, Ruby needs us. He promises, I wait and pace. I try to call the hospital but the phone will not work. I begin screaming. My neighbors I have never met come running to me. I don’t care, my phone won’t work for me. I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this. I need to wake up because this nightmare is horrible.
Cliff comes home and we leave immediately for the hospital. He wants to change, I tell him no. Ruby needs us now. As we drive to the hospital we discuss what shape Ruby will be in. She might be physically and mentally handicapped. She may not be that brilliant little baby we had with us just last night. We need an attorney to get custody of her. There is no way in hell Shannon’s family is getting her. She is ours and I will fight to the death to keep her with us. She doesn’t even know Shannon’s family. Cliff continues to point out what could be wrong with Ruby. I finally yelled at him, I don’t care what might be wrong, she is STILL my girl and I will take what I can get PERIOD. He said good, I hoped you felt like I do. I drove faster.
When we got to the hospital I found a nurse leaving. I asked her where the surgery area was. She started pointing. I said NO my granddaughter was brought in from a crash last night I have to find her. She said come on I will take you there. We waited as she went in. She came out and said she was taken to PICU. Thank you God, she made it through surgery. She is a very sick girl to be in PICU, but alive at least. At the PICU they had us wait in the waiting room. After 10 minutes I had to see my girl. I didn’t know that they were waiting for a doctor or someone in charge. I didn’t care. I didn’t know they couldn’t talk to me, but I just needed to see her. I told Cliff that door opens again I am going in. He said we can’t. I told him you have two choices here, go in with me or wait out here alone, I am going in. And I did. I walked up the first nurse I saw. I held a picture of my girl up to her face and asked her, is this the baby that was brought in last night. She nodded yes. Can I see her? She shook her head no. I am her grandmother can I please see her? She shook her head no. Why? She just started at me. Is my baby here? She started at me. Is she okay? She stared. Is my baby dead? She nodded yes. This time I heard someone screaming. It was loud, it was shrill, and it was horrible. I remember wondering why they didn’t shut that idiot up. There are sick babies her shut her up. As they picked me up off the floor and placed me in a wheelchair I realized I was the one screaming.
Jason is a character and we usually bickered when we talked to each other. It was just our way and all of it was filled with love. Jason reminded me they were dropping her off. I told him I didn’t care, I want my girl now. I want to fix her dinner and play with her. He reminded me they were spending time with her. I reminded him they had her all day it was my turn. I heard Ruby screaming that scream that meant I heard Grammy’s ringtone! He gave her the phone and gibbered at me for a few seconds and hung up. Jason called me right back, gave her the phone again gibberish and a hang up. The 4th time as I answered I was yelling, “don’t give her the phone I am getting on the interstate and can’t answer it.” Jason asked if I had on the earbuds he gave me. I told him of course, he made me promise not to talk on the phone while driving unless I did. He said “Mom, the speaker box on the cord, squeeze it and it will answer the phone. I told him I didn’t believe him so I squeezed it. I hung up on Jason. He called me back and I squeezed it and it answered the phone. I was so excited and told him so. He laughed and said “Mom you’re a moron. You work for a cell phone company and you didn’t know this?” We argued back and forth about this for the next 10 minutes. I announced to him, Jason I am at Reno and Council is my girl ready? He had a smart remark and we argued some more about the fact I wasn’t getting out of my car. I was tired, they lived upstairs, and I am old. All the excuses gave him more ammo as I announced each intersection I came to. Finally I parked outside their apartment. He was on the balcony and I waved to him. I told him I loved him as we hung up. Shannon brought Ruby to my car and we talked very briefly as she buckled Ruby in. She was moving slow and I asked her why. She told me her back hurt. I asked “are you still going out?” She said, “Mom, it is Fast and Furious 7 what do you think?” I laughed told her to have fun and drove off with Ruby snug in her car seat. She chattered all the way along the mile drive to our apartment. I laughed and chatted with her the whole way.
At my apartment Ruby almost ran to my apartment. She knew the way to my door with no help. She was eager to see the dogs and her Gram’pa. When I opened the door the dogs scrambled to make sure their tails were not in her reach while still barking and dancing their hello to her. She screamed with delight as she ran down the hall towards Gram’pa room where her computer was. She always had to make sure all her videos were still safely waiting for her. I remember Cliff, as this was a surprise to him, screaming Damn, I don’t have her computer turned on! While he entertained Ruby I changed clothes and gave Molly and Neville their treats. I checked the kitchen and told Cliff I had everything to make her favorite dinner except ham. He gladly volunteered to go get the ham. Neither of us spoiled her. When he left Ruby immediately began to test me. I had a candy dish she would not leave alone. I refused to put it up high, I always believed a baby should learn limits. She left everything else alone, but this one dish was a game to her. I wound up putting her in the time out corner. She was fine whimpered now and then to let me know she wasn’t happy with me but no crying. UNTIL, the door opened and Gram’pa came in. Then she began to “cry” and scream as though I had just beat her with a belt! Oh if that drama queen could muster tears with that fake cry I would not survive! And Gram’pa was no help. Did that mean ole Grammy put you in the corner again!
Gram’pa had Ruby time while I cooked her favorite dinner. Ham Steak, Mac and Cheese, and Green Beans. After dinner Gram’pa cleaned the computer and I played with Ruby. I remember vividly holding her as we danced to the Gummy Bear song. I remember telling Ruby the song needed to be shorter because she was getting heavy. At 9:00 I went to bed because I had to get up at 4:30.
Bedtime was fun time. I would get in bed and Ruby would crawl in to cuddle. I told her Grammy has to sleep now to you want to go to sleep too? She would quickly kiss me and jump off the bed. As she left the room she would pull the door almost shut and run to Gram’pa. In a few minutes I would hear tapping on the door. I would say “yes Ruby” and the door would fly open and she would come give me more cuddles and kisses then repeat the process. It would go on until I no longer responded to the tapping. She would then go and throw her arms around pointing at my door as she chattered to her Gram’pa. Her way of telling him Grammy is asleep and you need to shut her door. He knew this because if he doesn’t shut my door, she would throw a fit.
At 4:30 my alarm went off. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. As I fixed myself a cup of coffee Cliff came in. I asked him what time did the kids get Ruby. “Between 10:30, 10:45.” Did they have fun? “Yes they did. They were giggling like little school girls.” How was Ruby? “She was okay but her acid re-flux was acting up. No medicine in the bag but Shannon said they were out. They were going by Walmart from here and would get some.” We both laughed, yeah, they think Walmart is Disneyland. When do they not go there? I asked one last question, “Do we have Ruby tonight?” Cliff said he didn’t think so. I told him, I think I will call the kids later and kidnap her so she can spend the night. Cliff agreed and said just in case her computer would be on.
I went to my room, fired up the computer, turned the TV to 9 so I could hear the weather. I sat down to smoke a cigarette, drink some coffee and scan Facebook. I am in such a good mood. It’s the worlds Tuesday, but it is Friday to me and at 4:30 I am free for two whole days, the weather is great and I will have my Ruby! I know we are going to the park and for walks. At 5:15 I head to my closet and stand staring at my clothes as though something will jump off the hanger and yell me, take me! As I stood there I can hear the news.
For the second night in a row there was a fatality crash in the metro area due to an alleged drunk driver. I thought how sad. This one happened at the intersection of Reno and Rockwell approximately 11:20 pm. My heart skipped a beat, my mind raced, would that be about the time the kids would be in that intersection? I knew they would be, they went to Walmart. A female approximately 30 years old died instantly. There are a million women in Oklahoma City, stay calm. A male approximately 30 years old died in route to the hospital. They always come in pairs, stay calm an approximately 2 year old baby is in critical condition undergoing surgery at Children Hospital. I remember taking a deep breath and turning to see the TV. I don’t remember what they were saying, I only remember seeing just the back end of yellow Chevy Cobalt sticking out of that ditch. I know that ditch, it’s about 8 or 9 feet deep. I know that intersection. I drive through it daily. But worst of all, I know that car! I see it every day. It needs to be cleaned out. A pink car seat is behind the passenger door. The air conditioner doesn’t work. I know that car.
I grabbed my phone and I called Jason’s phone. No answer. I call Shannon’s phone. No answer. After 5 tries each I left a message for Jason. I will never forget that message. “Damn it to hell Jason Robert I am scared to death right now! As soon as you get this message you better call me!” I called the house phone. It doesn’t have voice mail. No answering machine. I let it ring at least 50 times. They didn’t wake up. I know for a fact Jason won’t be calling me back. He will never call me again. I somehow made my way to the living room. I needed to tell Cliff our kids are dead and Ruby needs us. I hang onto the back of the love seat for dear life as I start to tell him. He heard the news but didn’t see it. He was in the kitchen making my lunch. I opened my mouth to calmly speak but what came out was a shaky scream, “Our babies Cliff, our babies!” He came out of the kitchen and stared at me like I was crazy. He told me to stop it, “you know you’re a pessimist. It isn’t our kids.” Again I try to calmly explain. Again a scream, but this time. “The car the car the car.” Cliff told me he was going to their apartment and when he found their car safe and secure in the parking lot he was going to come home and tell me what an idiot I am. In my family you don’t call each other an idiot. Today I just looked at him and said, “Please call me an idiot. I told him wait I will go with you. He told me no, you stay here and get dressed, you’re going to work!
When Cliff left I got dressed. I picked up the clothes I had worn the day before from the laundry hamper. The shirt had coffee on it where I had spilled the day before. I didn’t care. I called the Oklahoma City police non-emergency number. I had done this before. You ask about a crash you think a family member might be involved in and they say, “I am sorry, we can’t give out information.” That would prove my kids are alive. When a sweet girl answered I asked, the crash last night, the one at Reno and Rockwell, was the drivers name Jason? I held my breath and prayed. The sweet voice said, “Ma’am can we send an officer to your home?” I screamed again, this time it was “NO NO YOU CAN’T I am home alone, no you can’t come here, I need my husband. NO” My babies are dead. My babies are dead and my husband is gone.
Cliff finally calls me. He said you need to call children hospital. I said you need to come home, you need to come home now. He told me he was at Reno and Rockwell. The news crew there are showing him the raw footage. Cliff come home now, Ruby needs us. He promises, I wait and pace. I try to call the hospital but the phone will not work. I begin screaming. My neighbors I have never met come running to me. I don’t care, my phone won’t work for me. I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this. I need to wake up because this nightmare is horrible.
Cliff comes home and we leave immediately for the hospital. He wants to change, I tell him no. Ruby needs us now. As we drive to the hospital we discuss what shape Ruby will be in. She might be physically and mentally handicapped. She may not be that brilliant little baby we had with us just last night. We need an attorney to get custody of her. There is no way in hell Shannon’s family is getting her. She is ours and I will fight to the death to keep her with us. She doesn’t even know Shannon’s family. Cliff continues to point out what could be wrong with Ruby. I finally yelled at him, I don’t care what might be wrong, she is STILL my girl and I will take what I can get PERIOD. He said good, I hoped you felt like I do. I drove faster.
When we got to the hospital I found a nurse leaving. I asked her where the surgery area was. She started pointing. I said NO my granddaughter was brought in from a crash last night I have to find her. She said come on I will take you there. We waited as she went in. She came out and said she was taken to PICU. Thank you God, she made it through surgery. She is a very sick girl to be in PICU, but alive at least. At the PICU they had us wait in the waiting room. After 10 minutes I had to see my girl. I didn’t know that they were waiting for a doctor or someone in charge. I didn’t care. I didn’t know they couldn’t talk to me, but I just needed to see her. I told Cliff that door opens again I am going in. He said we can’t. I told him you have two choices here, go in with me or wait out here alone, I am going in. And I did. I walked up the first nurse I saw. I held a picture of my girl up to her face and asked her, is this the baby that was brought in last night. She nodded yes. Can I see her? She shook her head no. I am her grandmother can I please see her? She shook her head no. Why? She just started at me. Is my baby here? She started at me. Is she okay? She stared. Is my baby dead? She nodded yes. This time I heard someone screaming. It was loud, it was shrill, and it was horrible. I remember wondering why they didn’t shut that idiot up. There are sick babies her shut her up. As they picked me up off the floor and placed me in a wheelchair I realized I was the one screaming.